Dealing With Angry People

We have all experienced a verbalattack. Think how you feel when you are the target of an angryoutburst. Even though the attack is verbal, you experience a physicalresponse that is similar to a response to a physical attack. Heartrate and breathing increase, you may perspire and feel an increase inadrenaline. You are ready to either fight or flee. Obviously this isnot the ideal situation for rational and calm group decision making!First, remember that the angry person is not thinking accurately butis responding irrationally to something and may not be able tocorrectly understand what is being said. The angry person is likelyto distort incoming messages. This is why you must be particularlyeffective in your communication. Below are some suggestions on how tohandle the situation.

1. Remember, anger often results fromsome prior situation that may be unrelated to what's going on now. Itcould be that the person is frustrated over a recent failure; he orshe may have low self esteem, may be immature, or may have some otherproblem that is responsible for the anger. The anger may represent aplea for help or it may be a defensive act to keep others at adistance. We have all had the experience of the "straw that broke thecamel's back." After a series of frustrations and stresses, we maylose our temper over a relatively minor manner. In such cases, ouranger really comes from the prior events, not the one that actuallyevoked the temper tantrum. It may help you empathize with the angryperson to remember the time you yelled at your child or spouse whenyou were really angry at your boss.

2. Let the angry person talk. Thishelps dissipate the anger.

3. Accept the person's right to beangry because he/she is a person of worth. You don't have to agreebut allow the person the freedom to be wrong.

4. Listen and react calmly. Say onlyenough to show that you accept them and their right to theiranger.

5. When the angry person is finishedspeaking and ready for you to respond, respond to thefeelings.

6. If you are part of the problem,admit it and change your behavior.

7. If you can agree with something intheir statement, do so.

8. Try to be helpful.

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