In the case of Raul, the judge came to the their parents' home and officiated the ceremony at the house where he signed a large book, which is kept at the courthouse, so that proof does exist of the marriage. After the ceremony, the judge returns the book to the courthouse for safe keeping. Raul and his ex-wife at that time did not want a religious ceremony and shortly thereafter they left for the United States to live.
If a couple decides to marry in the church, they invite all of their family, friends and relatives to the ceremony. In fact, they are mailed invitations to the church ceremony and an invitation to the reception, much like our custom in the United States. The bride wears a white gown and the groom wears a tuxedo or a nice suit. There are attendants that participate in the marriage ceremony.
The couple generally expresses if they prefer cash or a gift as a wedding gift. Everyone that comes to the wedding is expected to give a gift to the bride and groom. It is much like our custom in the United States; however, the couple in the U.S. usually does not express if they want cash or a gift. However, they generally do register for certain gifts, patterns of china or pieces of china that they would like to receive.
I questioned Raul as to the process if a couple wants to marry in both the civil and religious ceremonies. He explained that first they must marry civilly, by law. Then they can choose to get married in the church. There is no time frame in which the one ceremony must follow the other. Some couples have the civil a day in one month and two or three months they get married in the church. Other couples do not wait and have it the same day. I questioned Raul why some couples would wait while other did not. He told me that if they have saved enough money to have both ceremonies on the same day that they would do it. Clearly, monetary factors motivate the couple's decision as to how many ceremonies they have, and if they have two, when they will have them.
When the decision is made to get married, they are not prohibited from marrying or not marrying their mate. It is the custom of the male to go to his mate's family and ask permission of the father to marry his daughter. However, if the parents or family do not approve of the marriage, it is a personal choice whether or not to marry that person. It is a personal choice and one that the family does not have any control over. Perhaps, the fact that Raul's mother and father are divorced might influence his way of thinking or perhaps the fact that his grandfather had many children from different women. Raul tells me that his grandfather was only married to his grandmother. When I questioned Raul about the number of children his grandfather had he related a story to me - - that every year he would attend his grandfather's birthday parties and one time they counted 43 children his grandfather had fathered with other women. So, I believe that the uniqueness of Raul's family would impact his beliefs about choosing his mate.